|This is not a meme~
||[Jan. 8th, 2005|01:04 pm]
No One Really
|||||Motoi Sakuraba - Highblow (SO3 soundtrack)||]|
I had originally written this kind of long-winded depressing post Christmas night, and I think I would have regretted it if I'd posted it. So I'm glad I didn't have internet access at the time. However, I'll keep the last two paragraphs:
Why don't all of us just enjoy life the way it is, or focus on changing it for the better, instead of dwelling on the bad things in the present and past?
Why do people seem to focus on misery, instead of all of the happy things, like a loving family, or excellent friends, or good books and music, or whatever you have?
This is a mistake I've often been guilty of. And it brings you down in really subtle ways. It brings you down when you're talking to someone and you make a slight self-disparaging remark. When you're constantly unsure about what other people think of your actions.
I know intellectually that, if my friends are unhappy with my actions for some reason, they will either let me know, or not interact with me (usually the former, given my friends). Why do I assume less of them and continually probe? It's silly. But... I do because it's easy to believe that people are not quite happy, and hiding it in some way.
Brutal honesty certainly makes things easier for people like me. ^_^;;
But, enough of this. The last two weeks have been wonderful. I'm sure just about everyone knows why. SO3 fest was fun, even if the game was not as good as I had hoped (it was still good in a lot of ways, though). Being around Tozcat makes me happy all the time <3 . Taking time off to do things I like doing instead of merely existing is very nice. It's hard to see how much school and work take until you're not doing them anymore... vacation kind of makes you see what you're doing the rest for. Or possibly lets me look for a way to improve what I'm doing for the rest.
But, work and school will be returning soon. Next semester is Japanese only for me... I need to see if I really like it, or whether I should go back to Computer Science. Both have their good sides and bad sides, but... I've seen computer science as a career. I don't know whether I really want that. Or whether I really have it in me, in a lot of ways.
I have New Year's Resolutions. Looking back on last year's, did I fulfill them?
1) More Exercise / DDR. Nope.
2) Less Eating. Nope.
3) More Japanese. Yes.
4) Less Whining. Nope.
5) More Self-Esteem. Nope.
6) Less Ignorance. Nope.
7) More Reading. Yep.
8) Less Withdrawl. Not really.
9) More Fun. At the end. ^_^
10) Less... not-fun.. At the end. ^_^
We'll call it... 3 out of 10. This year?
1) More writing
2) More thinking
3) More exercise
4) Less eating
5) Less ignorance
6) Less caring about what other people think.
Let's see if I can do better this year.
Happy New Year. ^_^